someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
