i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
