im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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