Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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