Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
a search helicopter?!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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