She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
