All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
