you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
