What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
