hotel room ftw
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
