just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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