someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
