He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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