Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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