**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
