even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
