It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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