when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
