Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My vagina just recognized that song.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
