You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
