She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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