Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
