is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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