somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
A bitchslap is in order.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
