How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
