Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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