omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
