A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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