Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
