It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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