having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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