last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
