fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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