i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
