Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
