Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
