I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
