If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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