Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
