I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
