At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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