i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
