You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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