apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
