So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
