She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
