the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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