I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
