i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I cannot find my penis.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You dont lie about slip and slides
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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