Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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