His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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